Through Fire and Tribulation

the self-styled "master welder" has encountered a minor accident. i'm embarrassed to admit it, but here's my confession: i set myself on fire.

i was just standing there happily welding behind that dark mask, oblivious to the world. the i suddenly realized that my left leg was feeling unusually warm, even for a 95* shop. i removed the mask and looked around confused. then, when i glanced down, i saw flames licking up my pants leg! my first reaction was to kick my leg, and then i stopped and i said, "self, what are you thinking? you IDIOT!" so, lacking water or blankets and stuff, my only option was to drop me britches. john was running to help, but then he was like, "hey dude, if yer takin' yer pants off, yer on yer own!" but no worries. i lost a couple of inches to the cuff of my jeans, destroyed a shoelace and melted part of the side of my shoe, and singed a few ankle hairs, but that's it. there's also a bit of melted plastic on the thigh of my pants. i guess they're officially work jeans now. so there's the truth, laid bare. it's not john who tries to burn the shop down, but me.

nugatory \NOO-guh-tor-ee; NYOO-\, adjective:1. Trifling; insignificant; inconsequential.2. Having no force; inoperative; ineffectual