Look Out!
you know that feeling you get on the edge of a high place, where you suddenly want to throw yourself off? i know, i know, you don't really want to... but you have this feeling where you're afraid you might just compulsively do it, and it's actually a little scary. like, you imagine how aweful it would be if you tripped and fell over the handrail and then you get this dreadfully delicious temptation to walk over next to the handrail and lean over it to give yourself butterflies. ok people, don't act like i'm insane. well, maybe i am, but i know somebody else has experienced this at least a little bit. i remember experiencing this when i was little. we went to england for a couple of weeks (i think i was 5) and one of our activities was climbing to the top of what i thought was a mountain. it was probably just a very large rock, but it was steep and the two story bus looked like a hot wheel down below on the road. so it was pretty high. but i distinctly remember walking around on the small rounded top of the rock and feeling a little queezy looking out over the edge. my tummy mildly flopped and my finger tips felt just a bit tingly and clammy. i stood up and mom screamed "JORDANGETAWAYFROMTHEEDGEANDCOMESITBYMETHISMINUTE!!!!" i was like, "mom, chill, i'm just going over to this puddle." now, i'm sure if she knew about these thoughts and feelings of, "oooh, wouldn't it be freakishly awesome to fall over the edge...?" then she would have died. or maybe she did know and that's why she was so dubious about me saying i was inspecting a small puddle. but yeah, the point of this was, that i just had that feeling again today. actually i've had that feeling a million times since then, but i just decided to mention it particularly today. except the feeling was a little different this time. i got it as evan and i were driving home in the dark and we were passing other cars. i was like, "whoa, the cars we are passing are like, totally only a few inches away." i all of a sudden got this creepy sensation of how easy it would be to turn the wheel a few inches over and go... i mean, aghhhh!!!!!! ok, ladies and gentlemen, i'm not psycho. course, crazy people probably say that. i'm just sayin', i got scared and had to make myself think of something else. enough weirdness for now.
i went to work this morning. then practiced at school for a while. went prayer meeting this evening, where i played piano at the beginning. then a few of us went to java jacks to chat and sip coffee. then i came home, and of course wrote this post. as well as chatted for a bit on aim. which i am still currently doing. but i've been doing excellently on not staying up super late on it. did i mention that i did make it a full week without getting on at all? from fri night when i was last on super late, until the next sat. i'm quite proud.
glutinous \GLOOT-nuhs\, adjective:
Of the nature of glue; resembling glue; sticky.
"At this point Leonardo wakes, decides the sensation is extraordinary but not death, and gazing up through the glutinous film of boiled carrot drippings, says: No, Salai will be riding a horse."
--R. M. Berry, Leonardo's Horse
i went to work this morning. then practiced at school for a while. went prayer meeting this evening, where i played piano at the beginning. then a few of us went to java jacks to chat and sip coffee. then i came home, and of course wrote this post. as well as chatted for a bit on aim. which i am still currently doing. but i've been doing excellently on not staying up super late on it. did i mention that i did make it a full week without getting on at all? from fri night when i was last on super late, until the next sat. i'm quite proud.
glutinous \GLOOT-nuhs\, adjective:
Of the nature of glue; resembling glue; sticky.
"At this point Leonardo wakes, decides the sensation is extraordinary but not death, and gazing up through the glutinous film of boiled carrot drippings, says: No, Salai will be riding a horse."
--R. M. Berry, Leonardo's Horse
posted by quirky at 8:20 PM
9 Comments:
ok, now i've almost ended up staying up too late. i've been trying to work on this blog template. argh... i've added allison and thomas to my friends list. then i decided to try and make separate lists for friends and sfa people and some other stuff. but the links and titles are doing weird stuff. i'll have to get back to this later.
::blinks::
Jordan, dude, whoa... I totally know exactly what you mean. Maybe not on the edge of cliffs (too skeered of heights) but certainly on the highway. I used to think of it a lot more, not so much any more, but yeah.
And kudos on a week without AIM. Don't you just feel cleaner now? ;)
And I love the quote. I got it not long ago as dictionary.com's word of the day. I read it and kinda scratched my head and thought, "Now how does that enlighten me on how to use the word in the sentence?"
Oh well...
Yesh that feeling freaks me out. Especially the driving thing; the ditch, the trees, and death are so near. Hold onto the wheel REEEL tight and try not to think. DON'T DO IT! Thats why I love tall rails, it would be hard for insanity to pull me all the way over tall rails, the shorter ones are scarier.
i like the short rails. and the nonexistent ones.
So your feelings of insanity are safely in check eh?
I have to admit that I totally know what you're talking about, with the rails and high places and driving. I think such thoughts cross my mind entirely too often, somehow there is just this incredibly weird appeal to it, though I have no desire to die. It's hard to explain, but suffice it to say that I've experienced such sensations, as apparently others have as well.
I know the tingly feelings and how I have to force myself closer to the edge to get a better view. But after seeing somebody tumble down a mountainside and falling off one myself, I guess I'm cured of that feeling of wanting to tempt it. I guess it's the trhill seeker in us.
ok, karen made me feel bad. you are certainly still a friend. whenever i find some more people at sfa with blogs i'll make that list and make it "sfa FRIENDS"
Post a Comment
<< Home